mardi 25 août 2015

Fringe jokes

The top 10 funniest jokes of the Edinburgh Fringe

1."I just deleted all the German names off my phone. It's Hans free" - Darren Walsh

2."Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse ... but enough about Kanye West" - Stewart Francis

3."Surely every car is a people carrier?" - Adam Hess

4."What's the difference between a 'hippo' and a 'Zippo'? One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter" - Masai Graham

5."If I could take just one thing to a desert island I probably wouldn't go" - Dave Green

6."Jesus fed 5,000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread. That's not a miracle. That's tapas" - Mark Nelson

7."Red sky at night. Shepherd's delight. Blue sky at night. Day" - Tom Parry

8."The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper. She was wearing massive gloves" - Alun Cochrane

9."Clowns divorce. Custardy battle" - Simon Munnery

10."They're always telling me to live my dreams. But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for..." - Grace The Child

The judges also released a list of jokes which just missed out on the shortlist.

◾"I never lie on my CV…because it creases it." - Jenny Collier

◾"If you don't know what introspection is you need to take a long, hard look at yourself" - Ian Smith

◾"I usually meet my girlfriend at 12:59 because I like that one-to-one time" - Tom Ward

◾"Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman. It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't" - Gyles Brandreth

◾"Let me tell you a little about myself. It's a reflexive pronoun that means 'me'" - Ally Houston

◾"Earlier this year I saw "The Theory of Everything" - loved it. Should've been called "Look Who's Hawking", that's my only criticism" - James Acaster


Fringe jokes

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